Modern Unmerican philosopher Kevin Federcircle has shocked fans with his sudden weight gain. "Like, I've totally been a fan of his for like ever," said 15-year-old Ashley Aubry, president of the Kevin Federcircle fan club. "He's just, like, totally, totally amazing. But then, I saw his pic online the other day, and I texted my friend Kelly, I said Kelly, OMG, he's totally bloated out. His BMI must be over 35. And that, like, puts him at serious risk for hypertension, diabetes, and hyperlipidemia."Others were simply shocked Federcircle had fans at all. "Like, oh my gosh, he has no talent. He's only famous because he was a backup to Britney Arrows," 16-year-old Natalie Ramen said. "She's the one with all the talent. She came out first with her groundbreaking theories about realism and nominalism. She just hired him to be a backup. And then he tried to get his own career going around rationalism and empiricism. As if."
Federcircle was briefly married to Arrows. While the relationship brought Federcircle great fame, it did little to help his philosophy career, which was often derided as being overly derivative of the works of Parmenides of Elea.
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